Speechless

When everything becomes so weird you have nothing to say.

I'm afraid of starting thinking and realising the things that are really going on in my life.
There's a death that I have to accept, cry, shout and understand but I just can't. I'm unable to feel a thing. I'm
just as if everything was normal and changeless. I don't know if I'm more afraid of not waking up from this state or of continuing in this state for much more time. I guess the longer this unconscious state takes, the worse the fall will be... but who knows? I am just so fucking lost...
He's dead. I already know that. But I know the sentence; not what it means to me.
I'm sorry grandpa, I know I'm being an idiot, but I don't think I really wanna let you go...
Just, wait, I suppose I'll be able to say bye in a moment or another, it's just too soon for it now.

Meanwhile, I'll keep myself busy with other things so all this matter doesn't come to my head.
One of them is watching my favourite serie Skins, I just love the way trouble is all their entire life. Have a look at it:
I fucking recomend Skins if you feel lost, incomplete, missunderstood, ... whatever.