Time and Distance and Screw You.

No. Of course not. You can not come and pretend everything is all right. You don't even get the right to talk to me. Who the hell do you believe you are? You don't have the chance to hurt me every time you feel bored, fucking realise I'm not a stupid silly doll. Hasn't it been enough by now? Haven't you found pleasure enough in breaking me from upside down all of these times? Oh my god. Just tell me, what is so wrong with you? What is this unquenchable thirst of yours for opening my wounds once after another? I am just sick of cultivating and cultivating hopes and illusions just so you can smash them and sweep the floor with them when you're done. I mean, all of the memories already hurt too much, you don't need to light them up again. Actually, I beg you not to. I don't want to remember when you took me to that surprise date and brought me to a panoramic o.v. cinema to watch my favourite movie after inviting me to that amazing Japanese restaurant. I don't want to remember when we kissed that night of December in front of our iced cold sea while the stars were watching and the timing was right. I don't want to remember when I took you to that Jazz restaurant to show you how worth you were to me. I don't want to remember that night at my house, with the wine and our sweet and sincere words. I don't want to remember anything of that. Not one single memoir that we built together because, after all, you probed to me they were all nothing but lies. shameful pretty lies. You showed me your real You and you broke our whole world into countless and infinite tiny pieces that will never come together again. And I hate you for it. So I want to forget, so I want all of this to stop hurting this bad. I don't want to be any more afraid of getting to know someone that I might actually end up liking, because you made me stop believing in people. You made me stop believing in that I could be understood, that I could be taken care of. That I could somehow make it work with someone. I did open my heart to you. Even my soul I handled to you and all you did was just ignore it. So thanks for that part, I guess that at least that made me stronger. Thanks for being such a coward, that made me braver. Thanks for showing me how ruin can a person get to be, that made me more realistic. All in all, as I see it now, I'm not sure rather I would have to hate you or either be grateful to you. You made me hazardous at the same time that you destroyed me so, maybe, after all, it's something you did partly right. Now I can distinguish cowards like you from a further distance and, furthermore, I know how to shut them down before they start talking bullshit as you did the first time we met. Yeah, by the way, try changing your flirting strategies, they suck as hell.With that said, yes, it's probably obvious I'm still not over you but, at least, I do not long for the shitty fake version of you with which I felt so deeply in love.
Luckily, with distance and time you will end up becoming a blurring point in the horizon.

Alessia Garnet